When I was a little girl, I wanted to be veterinarian. I loved animals and I couldn’t imagine doing anything other than caring for them. My father even called me Ellie Mae (like the Beverley Hillbilly); I also spoke to the squirrels in our neighborhood. I was passionate about the animal kingdom.
As I got a little bit older, my interests shifted and I dreamed of being a movie star. I acted in the plays in elementary school and sang my heart out in the shower and while laying in bed at night. I fondly recall my first (and only) standing ovation for playing Yente in Fiddler on the Roof. I was passionate about the stage.
In highschool, as my friends and I were all deciding on colleges and majors, I was drawn to advertising and communications. I dreamed of writing commercials, designing print ads, and developing entire marketing campaigns. I thought it was going to be my future career.
Then, my freshman year of college, I hated my intro to communications class. It was the worst class I had my first semester and the only one I was subsequently doing below my normal standard (which was all A’s). So I did what any thoughtful college freshman would do, and hastily changed my major to psychology.
I did not have a clue what I was going to do when I graduated. I purposely tried not to think about it. I enjoyed the classes in my major- they were interesting. I never declared a minor, but instead took any and every class that interested me. And I had a wonderful college experience because of those choices.
However, here I am, three and half years later, and I’m still not sure what it is I want to do with my life. I’m working at a job that I’m very, very good at, extremely overqualified for and embarrassed to tell people about. I feel like I’ve gotten stuck in a rut because I’m not sure what it is I want to do with my life.
Fortunately, I have a highly valuable education, lots of knowledge, a good heap of creativity, decent people skills, and a bit of born-with talent. I’m just lacking direction. I don’t know what I want to do or who I want to be; And this world is so big, so scary, and completely overwhelming.
I’ve always been told that I can do anything I set my mind to. (All parents say this to their children). I just haven’t been able to set my mind to any one thing yet. And I really wish I could.
Influencing the world in a positive way and being happy with who I am and what I do- that’s all I really want. But sometimes that feels like it’s too much to ask.