I’ve been neglectful of this space for past month or so, but I’m back. I’ve missed writing and sharing here. You may or may not have wondered where I’ve been. I could use the excuse that I was sick (for like three straight weeks) but that’s a lame excuse because being sick didn’t mean I couldn’t create things, and compose thoughts and type. It’s more that I’ve been wandering, in the I-felt-a-lot-lost-and-quite-lonely-kind-of-way. Sometimes that can just happen you know, except I can identify my melancholy trigger.
Jon left to go work (teaching the art of glass blowing) at a University, in Wisconsin, until mid May. Before he left, I knew I’d miss him terribly, but I was almost-but-not-really, the-teeniest-bit excited about having total control of my time. I also felt capable and ready to achieve all these goals I had for myself. And then… well, I didn’t, which made me feel worse. Instead, I purposely lost myself in the entire Sookie Stackhouse series, and a few other books. That’s a total of 14 books in about a month-time-period. I didn’t think about how sad I was or how lame I was being, because I was thinking only about the characters in the alternate worlds I could escape to. I was pitiful but I am definitely not looking to be pitied. This whole sadness deal was my fault and I was the only one who could rectify it.
I’m back here and I’m starting to do better. I booked a flight to go visit Jon (in less than a week for more than a week!). This past weekend, I finally, finally, cleaned the craft dungeon. I’ve traded in my books for some knitting needles (I’m making myself leg warmers… and they’re gonna be awesome). I ordered and received all the seeds for my garden 2012, and I’m planning and scouting supplies, and itching for the time to actually plant some stuff. (and even more anxious for summer, and the garden’s bounty in the height of summer, and canning, and freezing, and sharing said bounty)!
The clouds are starting to dissipate and the sun is warm. I feel hopeful. I’m ready to be productive again. I’m ready to be present in this moment, even if it’s not ideally how I want it to be. I’m not going to escape into a book again. I’ll read, but I’ll try to read slowly, savoring what I’m ingesting. I will create, cook, garden, and share. It feels so good to be back. Right now, I’m off to knit, launder some clothes, and watch last night’s Smash.
I photobooth took a photo of myself with my knitting, but then stumbled upon this gem of a photo to share instead. This is one of the few photos I have of Tex when we had just gotten him. He’s so small and so cute!
This sounds like a totally normal reaction to me! I love escapism. In fact, I don’t think I do it often enough. It sounds like that’s what you needed in order to get motivated again. You are up to a lot! Glad you got some time to clean the dungeon too – that should help you get restarted, I bet. Thinking of you often. Drop me a line anytime you want to chat.
Thanks Rose! Escapism did help me cope, but I also realized that the stuff I was avoiding was going to be waiting for me when I came out. It’s ok though, atleast I got a jump start on the number of books I plan on reading this year. And I read a few good ones!
Welcome back! I have missed you. So happy to read some sun is shining on you!
Thanks so much! It definitely feels good to be back.
Oh how I can relate to your reaction to what life handed you. I used to do that for nearly a month at the beginning of every summer when I was teaching. It is so exciting to hear of a young person like yourself getting excited about gardening and knitting and all that craft stuff. By the way cleaning out clutter helps to open up your life. I look forward to reading about the trip and so glad you are back to writing. Love the dog!
Thanks so much! I really do love to knit. I was knitting up a frenzy before Jon left, but then the air went out of my sail I suppose. And gardening has been a lifelong passion of mine. I guess I do kind of have “mature” hobbies. In college, my friends would tell me I was “such a grandma,” Mostly because my signature phrase to many of the boys was “Don’t be fresh!”
funny!