When I was a little girl, I wanted to be veterinarian. I loved animals and I couldn’t imagine doing anything other than caring for them. My father even called me Ellie Mae (like the Beverley Hillbilly); I also spoke to the squirrels in our neighborhood. I was passionate about the animal kingdom.
As I got a little bit older, my interests shifted and I dreamed of being a movie star. I acted in the plays in elementary school and sang my heart out in the shower and while laying in bed at night. I fondly recall my first (and only) standing ovation for playing Yente in Fiddler on the Roof. I was passionate about the stage.
In highschool, as my friends and I were all deciding on colleges and majors, I was drawn to advertising and communications. I dreamed of writing commercials, designing print ads, and developing entire marketing campaigns. I thought it was going to be my future career.
Then, my freshman year of college, I hated my intro to communications class. It was the worst class I had my first semester and the only one I was subsequently doing below my normal standard (which was all A’s). So I did what any thoughtful college freshman would do, and hastily changed my major to psychology.
I did not have a clue what I was going to do when I graduated. I purposely tried not to think about it. I enjoyed the classes in my major- they were interesting. I never declared a minor, but instead took any and every class that interested me. And I had a wonderful college experience because of those choices.
However, here I am, three and half years later, and I’m still not sure what it is I want to do with my life. I’m working at a job that I’m very, very good at, extremely overqualified for and embarrassed to tell people about. I feel like I’ve gotten stuck in a rut because I’m not sure what it is I want to do with my life.
Fortunately, I have a highly valuable education, lots of knowledge, a good heap of creativity, decent people skills, and a bit of born-with talent. I’m just lacking direction. I don’t know what I want to do or who I want to be; And this world is so big, so scary, and completely overwhelming.
I’ve always been told that I can do anything I set my mind to. (All parents say this to their children). I just haven’t been able to set my mind to any one thing yet. And I really wish I could.
Influencing the world in a positive way and being happy with who I am and what I do- that’s all I really want. But sometimes that feels like it’s too much to ask.
This part of your story is the story of a LOT of young people at your age. University education is, of course, a wonderful thing to have that adds infinitely to our appreciation of life. I do think, however, that in recent years it is a heavily marketed commodity that doesn’t necessarily qualify people for specific work; and while that is fine in good economic times, it leaves young people floundering in times like these. North America is a bit short of quality, well-paid careers these days with globalization’s irreversible progress, and I don’t know where this is going to lead but I do know that the field of higher education needs an overhaul.
However, I do not think your parents were kidding when they said you could do anything because your personal potential is pretty obvious from your writing. And though it seems we are supposed to rush right out of high school, through university and into a career, I don’t think very many people are actually prepared to do that because how can anybody with no particular adult life experience have any useful idea of what they want to do with their life? Three years figuring out where you’re going is nothing to worry about–it’s part of your education, really. I’ll bet that it will just creep up on you, and one day you’ll suddenly realize what you want to do and you’ll be off to the races.
Thank you so much. It is so nice to hear that three years figuring everything out is nothing. It feels like such a long time compared to almost everyone I know. A lot of the time it feels like all of my peers have everything figured out, and I feel like the last one picked at recess. I appreciate that you consider the figuring it out part of my education. I’d like to think of it that way too.
And I completely agree that higher education needs an overhaul. One of the things I always tell highschoolers (much to their parents dismay), is not to feel rushed into college, to take some time between their senior year of highschool and the start of college. I feel like it should be mandatory to take a year off- to work in the real world (full time) or to travel to different places, to figure out what you’re interested in, before you invest in education. I know I wish I had.
I also tell everyone to encourage their kids to take a gap year (or two!). If the parents are dismayed, then they aren’t aware of how easy it is for even the brightest kids to flounder in university if they aren’t ready.
I understand these feelings all too well, Frankie. I think it takes a lot of time to sort these things out – and certainly different life experiences. Even though I finally have a job I like, I always wonder: is this the right thing for me? It seems there are pluses and minuses to all scenarios. Which is why you should continue to try and engage in your passions and hobbies in the meantime. Those will bring you a great source of strength, peace & fulfillment in yourself!
Thanks Rose! I’m definitely going to continue to engage in my interests and hobbies. Hence the reason I got back to blogging
.
Preach, sister. I relate to all of this. I think I will always regret not having more direction in college. I knew by my sophomore year that I didn’t want to be a journalist, but instead of changing my major I just added another (English) and then took the first job I was offered out of college, which offered zero creativity and now I feel very stuck. I don’t have that much creative talent, but I know I won’t be fulfilled without being able to do creative work in some capacity. I wanted to be an actor too. Still do. I wish I had the balls to go for it.
Yes! I definitely desire a position in which I can feel more fulfilled creatively, but what type of position really offers that? It’s hard to come by. I still think about becoming an actress too, just like a silly dream I sometimes envision. I bet you’d be great.
I definitely remember feeling exactly like that at your age (now I sound old). I knew I wanted to go into graphic design, but with an English degree I really didn’t know how to go about it. I had to spend a couple years doing a little of this and a little of that in order to figure it out. If you have the time (I think you do have some spare time, right?), see if you can get an unpaid internship in a field that interests you. Something like that can help you define what direction you want to go in (or what direction you DON’T want to go in). At best you can find a career; at worst you can meet professionals in a field you enjoy, make some real-world contacts and get some work experience for your resume. And you never know what contact might be able to lead you to a job down the line. Try not to envision the world as scary and overwhelming, but as a wide open place of endless possibilities! Also… It’s important that you really like your job. You spend so much time at your workplace; if you hate it then you’ll be hatin life =). Tomorrow I celebrate my 14th anniversary at my current job. I don’t love every day but I like coming to work every day. If I didn’t like my job I certainly wouldn’t have made it this long!
That is such great advice! I’m definitely going to think about my interests and where might be a good place to start looking for internships. Really, Thanks!
you’re very welcome. Looking forward to hearing an update…
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